It Won’t Fit in My Backpack

Yesterday we made soda bread and somehow ended up with twelve loaves. I told the kids they could each bring some in for their teachers and asked how many they wanted to take.

Luca goes, “I don’t think I can fit two in my backpack with my lunch.” I said, “You can carry them.” Pause. You could literally see the gears turning. “Oh… I think I can carry one then.”

Then I had almost the exact same conversation with his older brother.

Meanwhile, Heidi had already grabbed a brown grocery bag with handles and packed three loaves, ready to go.

And I just stood there like… yep. There it is.

Same situation. Same goal. Completely different ways of thinking it through. Some kids hit a barrier and stop there. Some scale the plan down. Some just figure out another way.

That’s executive functioning in real life. Not effort. Not attitude. Not “not listening.” Just skills that are still developing.

And honestly? I still struggle with this as an adult. I can be deep into work, get up to grab a coffee, see the dishes, start cleaning those, notice the pantry is a mess, go to throw something in the recycling and realize the laundry needs to be switched… and suddenly I’ve done four other things and not the one I actually got up to do.

The difference is — I’ve learned how to manage it. I have calendars, alarms, post-its everywhere, and a spouse I ask for reminders because schedules love a last-minute plot twist.

Kids don’t have those systems yet. So when they don’t follow all the steps, it’s not that they’re not listening. It’s not that they’re not trying. It’s that the skill isn’t there yet.

And when kids feel capable — when they start to trust that they can figure things out — everything changes.